Angry Wisconsin

Passive Aggressive Obama?

In terms of politics, I think Obama is smart to tread carefully in his minimal involvement in Wisconsin's budget legislation. If unions do lose their collective bargaining rights in the next week or two (and signs are pointing in that direction) Obama will save a little dignity. However, with each new controversy, Obama has been losing ground on a lot of things he campaigned on. In the process of saving face with the public, Obama is losing his identity and weakening the left as a whole. That, it would seem, is bad for everybody.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Hey, I'm a published writer! One of the pieces I wrote for my senior show got picked up by the Stoutonia!

Senior Show Madness!

Well folks, all the work for my senior show has been hung, and I've decided it's high time I posted some of my paintings and writing. Blogger doesn't have an option for publishing PDF files, so I guess I'm just going to have to do a post for each article and image. A laborious task to be sure, however, after several all nighters last week, I feel that I'm up to it. I'll be going in reverse order, so when all is said and done, it will flow chronologically like I had it printed in the final book format. So here goes:





A Better Business Model

As the typical college graduate (or anyone trying to get into a higher paying job) knows, there is a strange dichotomy between remaining ethical and true to yourself in a job search and actually finding any work at all. As an artist just starting out, I feel this doubly so. Anyone worthwhile wants to see your published work before hiring you, yet in order to get any published work, you are forced to work for a pittance or on a supposed wage of “exposure.” I would indeed work for exposure, but exposure, given a dollar amount in relation to the art industry, has a negative value. It’s a way of undercutting a sea of other professionals who require higher payment to survive, thereby inflating the worth of the profession. I once inflated an inner tube and much like working on an exposure basis, it was exasperating, and my reward was a light-headed euphoria followed by a splitting migraine. Damn inner tubes.

This sort of frustration is not limited to the art world. The entire newspaper industry is more than likely far worse off than I am, never mind the light-headed euphoria and migraine it will likely experience. “Which factor has been most pivotal in the decline of newspapers?” you ask. Well, disregarding newspapers’ falling readerships during much of the ‘80s and ‘90s, we see that the internet hasn’t done them any favors. It would seem that the internet is a great venue for news writers to reach hungry news readers, and it is. The possibilities with web-based news are almost as endless as pointless, amateur blogs. It’s a close race there, but blogging about kittens is the last great source of untapped revenue and billions of bloggers know this. Streaming videos, instant news updates, links to other high interest sites, and catchy little animations are all being employed on bigger news sites. The list could go on forever, but for the sake of saving time, you can read a more extensive coverage of the topic on Wikipedia. The great thing about web-based news media is that it is brought to you for the low cost of… free. Sure, there are a few regional newspapers that charge a nominal fee comparable to a subscription of the print version, but the only people who pay for anything online are Netflix users, online gamblers, and one middle-aged man in northern Montana who peruses Ebay trying to piece together his nearly complete Beanie Baby collection. The idea of paying for content on the web has become such an offensive concept to most. How, then, can a legitimate news source expect to procure a sustainable profit? We should probably just destroy Craigslist, and by doing that we would take care of a lot of advertising sales issues. Or, if someone deleted the word frugal from the online dictionary, readers would be less hesitant to pay for web-based reporting.

While I’m still struggling to get work published, I have met limited success here and there. I have been guilty of doing work for next to nothing just so that I could see it on a nice glossy page with this fine print text adjacent: “Illustration by Marc Anderson.” I’d hate to think that that is what larger newspapers are doing on the web. They definitely don’t need the kind of validation that a scrawny 23 year-old from Wisconsin does. If the bulk of web-based news outlets can band together and adopt a functional business model that still allows for competition and affordability, maybe they will survive this e-advent. If not, we’ll all just have to take in and enjoy that light-headed euphoria and then preemptively take a handful of Advil.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Why Can’t We Be Friends?


In the world of physics, there are several well-established rules about opposing forces. One might note the popular “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” For instance, in the case of affirmative action (pun both incidental and lame), the opposite reaction might be a notion that affirmative action encourages laziness and destroys fair competition in the job market, or that educated white males are continually getting screwed and held down by the man. We see all manner of opposing forces in governmental policy. Everyone has an opinion, and as far as I’m concerned Christine O’Donnell is the only guiding light who really should be entitled to it.

But where does this dissension in politics come from? We, as Americans and millions of illegal aliens, have a fascination with conflict. The recent educational and uplifting fad of reality television, for instance, has been known to display little spats from time to time. More so than viewing these conflicts that are very real and in no way staged (perhaps truer than life itself!), we love to hate stuff. But much like Rush Limbaugh at McDonalds, we do tend to overindulge. When it comes to politics, we have a high level of animosity for just about anything we disagree with. I would know because your opinions are uninformed and silly while mine are infallible.

Partisanship is in no way new to this country. There has always been a level of dissent in America, but there are several explanations for the increased awareness of the hostility in recent years such as: 1) the shrinking of the middle class and disproportioning of wealth 2) development of highly successful media and communication outlets (i.e. news networks, internet, and social networking); and 3) the invention of Viagra (if debates last longer than four years, consult your physician). Speaking of performance enhancers, there are few better ways to dissuade your opponent, or better yet, dissuade your opponent’s constituents, than to blindly take a conflicting view on an issue. Generally being the loudest about an issue is a pretty good tactic as well. Just like my mother used to say, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”

In many cases it can be difficult to gauge just how much vigor a particular politician or constituent actually feels about an issue or ideology. While there are a few damn squeaky wheels out there, not all should warrant our attention. Of course there in lies a problem. When everyone holds extreme ideologies in accordance with their political parties’ agenda, we completely lose a valuable discourse (also the leading cause of hair loss). We all carry our own biases, but when those begin to prevent any sort of progress, they cause us to regress in a way akin to the Land Before Time animated films.

Political discussion is always important, much like brushing your teeth and wiping your ass. Following a major shift in leadership or a big bowl of chili, it isn’t always pretty, but deadpan; uncompromising opposition is not a recipe for progress.

WWJD?

What Would Jesus Do?

Giving up ground is not easy to do. As a youngster, I could argue any point to absolute exhaustion, and regardless of any debating success or failure, my views wouldn’t budge an inch. In the second grade I had one such debate with my good friend Maxwell. If parents ever stop naming their children Maxwell, Maxamillian, or any similar variation of the name, so help me, I’m moving to Canada. Our little exchange began when Maxwell inquired why I wasn’t eating my pork hot dog during our school lunch hour. I was raised to eat only kosher foods since my family was Seventh-day Adventist. I began to explain to Max that pork was an unclean food, and no matter how many times you washed it, it still would not be clean. Given that the basis for my argument was as intellectually sound as my rubbery hot dog, Maxwell remained unmoved and rebutted with some nutritional facts about other not-so kosher foods such as crab and lobster saying they were in fact good for you. After a few minutes, our teacher, Mrs. Rait joined the conversation and tried to enlighten me in the flaws of my argument. “Nope,” I’d say, “just try washing it. It still won’t be clean.” Illustrator and cartoonist Steve Brodner once said, “Orthodoxy of any kind is another word for learning disability.” Learning disability? Well, I have since discovered that washing hot dogs doesn’t make much sense no matter what your ideologies may be.

Though my misunderstanding of kosher foods isn’t a typical representation of Seventh-day Adventists’ intelligence, I do feel that on some level religious types get locked into their divine canons, slowing societal progress. For instance, when discussing curriculum for textbooks, the Texas school board members revised what would be taught in several subjects. In social studies they placed an emphasis on Christian aspects of the world and much less focus on Islam. Everyone knows that we have a better understanding of the Muslim community than our own Christian nation anyway, so what’s the big deal? Science also took a heavy blow when Christian, conservative, board members decided that the creation theory warranted just as much attention as evolution. A combination of the two would probably serve students well if presented in an entertaining fashion: “Jesus Smote the Dinosaurs with Five Loaves of Bread and Two Fish,” “Moses and the Ten Missing Links,” and of course “The Big Bang Theory: How a Virgin got Pregnant.” Any objection to the conservative Texan board has been seen as an attack on patriotic America, and wouldn’t be tolerated. The board even put a ban on Brown Bear, Brown Bear because the beloved children’s book’s author, Bill Martin, wrote a book on communism. In fact Ethical Marxism was written by a different Bill Martin who is a professor at DePaul University. When the error was discovered, Brown Bear, Brown Bear was rectified and put back in the curriculum.

Of course Texas isn’t the only place where American champions are vanquishing well-grounded science and treasonous liberal thinking (Red Bear, Red Bear). You can take a look at any public figure who loudly proclaims their Christian faith, and see exactly how it affects their ideologies. Most recently, gubernatorial hopeful Carl Paladino was put on the national spotlight with his anti-gay remarks. Using a Christian family model for comparison, Paladino divulged, “(homosexuality) isn’t an equally valid or successful option.” His remarks came as a shock to many, but even more surprising was how apathetic his supporters were. Apparently many share Paladino’s anti-gay sentiments. “It’s just disgusting,” Paladino said of Gay Pride Parades. Although one could argue uncompromising ignorance and intolerance are equally valid and successful options. Note most Tea Party candidates’ platforms.

It’s hard to say just how much weight these issues should hold when compared to other big-ticket items like unemployment, healthcare, Afghanistan, Nuclear North Korea, among others. But when we see religious ideologies creeping into topics like global warming, education, and civil rights, it might be good form to question our nation’s decision making, and who we want to make those decisions. We do have the freedom of religion, but in the same vein we have a separation of church and state. Is orthodoxy another word for learning disability? You won’t find the answer in the thesaurus. But after consulting my divine council, I was told, “Ask again later,” followed by, “Signs point to yes.” The Magic 8 Ball will never lead astray.

Migrating Money

Migrating Money
By Kyle Constalie

Most sensible Americans approach Mexican immigrants with the same general question: “Do you have any drugs I can buy?”

Whenever the answer is, “No, but I will work difficult and dangerous jobs for very little pay,” folks tend to get hissy. Those jobs are traditionally reserved for white people to reject. After all, if we don’t have jobs to turn our noses up at, we don’t really have anything at all. The American economy depends on this kind of job selectiveness.

Immigration has become a complex and polarizing issue in the United States. Which side of the immigration issue you find yourself on can be determined by asking yourself a few simple questions. For example, 1) Do I basically like other people? 2) Do I, hypothetically, and for the most part, enjoy it when other people don’t starve to death? 3) If someone asks me for change to purchase a bus ticket, am I more likely to doll out the money or punch the person in the face and accuse him or her of attempted robbery? Etc.

If right now you’re imagining slapping a foreigner and running him or her over with a bus, not only might you be a racist (I never said the person was foreign!), you are probably opposed to the Dream Act, which is a bill that, if passed, would allow people who entered the country illegally as children to live in the country legally as adults—so long as they complete either two years of military service or two years of higher education.

You might also be aghast to learn that an estimated 65,000 undocumented students graduate from high school every year, which is likely a higher level of academic attainment than most opponents of the Dream Act have achieved. “How can we allow this atrocity to happen,” you are probably asking, the atrocity being the education that is provided to thousands of people who would otherwise have gone without. Indeed, there appears to be scant hope for the gallant cause of keeping our immigrants dumb.

Which is why I have devised a solution to our expensive and unfair problem of over-education. Imagine beating these motivated foreign bastards at their own, goal-oriented game! What I am proposing is this:

California and Arizona should build faux schools designed to attract immigrants. Their mascots might be, say, piñatas, and their school names might be something like Puerto Vallarta. With low-cost burritos for lunch, along with ponchos and sombreros for uniforms, these schools will be irresistibly enticing to the typical Mexican immigrant.

Little will these Spanish-speaking criminals suspect that they are being educated to work in high-paying executive office positions, the types of positions that their amoral occupation of our country already qualifies them to perform.

According to the Huffington Post, as of May 2010, 7.8 million Americans were millionaires. The overall U.S. population is estimated by the CIA at around 310, 232, 863, so my math puts the percentage of Americans who earn at least one million dollars at less than 3%.

This demographic is clearly aching to expand. Let us slyly siphon our population of immigrants into the upper echelons of the American workforce, away from the coveted jobs in fields, factories and hotels that we Americans, by virtue of our birth certificates, are rightfully entitled to work. This will create staggering job growth. And with new ethnic influences in big businesses, having to work on Cinco de Mayo will be an injustice of the past.

I’m telling you, these immigrants won’t know what hit them. One minute they’re sweating over stitching garments, the next minute they’re spilling salsa on their $500 suit coats. Then they will know what it is really like to have to fight for their right to tax cuts. They will be forced between a rock and a hard place when it becomes necessary to make tough calls about where to purchase their second and third vacation homes. Those, my friends, are real American struggles.

These immigrant millionaires will be the new movers and shakers; they will be the ones who influence ideas for how to keep the rest of their immigrant families out of the country—if only so their spouses and children never have to suffer a similar fate.